I Ain’t No Paperback-Boy. Ok, Yes I Am…

Alright, I’m sorry but I have to do this.  I’m a trades guy and I can’t help it.  Now I’m not entirely sure the reaction this is going to get however, I do believe there are some like me.  DC’s relaunch coming up here in a couple of weeks will be one of the few chances to start from #1.  Now I know titles reset all the time, but for once, it’s company-wide.  As a comic fan, it’s great to get the chance to start fresh and stay with storylines from the ground up and I couldn’t be more thrilled to jump on board.  I understand that they’re targeting new readers with the whole starting over thing, but screw that, IT’S GREAT FOR ME!

I’ve been catching up on Batman, Superman, Green Lantern, Wonder Woman, Birds of Prey, yada, yada, yada for I can’t tell you how long now.  If there are any of you reading this and thinking, “This schmuck ain’t a fan,” well sir/madam, I very semi-insincerely kind of say to you, “Nay.”  Here’s my angle on the issue (HAH, ISSUE, GET IT!!!).  I’m the same way with TV shows, video games, and tacos…I mean just the first two.  But seriously, I hate being titillated.  Come on now, who watched an episode of Game of Thrones and with no warning at all…credits.  Damn you HBO and you’re need to space out programming.  Yes, I did play Arkham Asylum, but there is no way in hell I was going to wait two years for Arkham City.  Nevertheless, I hate, hate, hate when I’m left twiddling my thumbs in anticipation waiting for the continuation of a story I’m getting into.

So I’m behind.  I haven’t read Fear Itself, or Flashpoint, but that doesn’t mean I’m not as hardcore of a fan as the rest.  Or does it?  I’d like to think my fandom doesn’t get called into question just because I like the whole set at once.  Side note – I’m still waiting to watch Deadwood, Sons of Anarchy, and Breaking Bad.  Don’t judge me, those seasons are expensive and I don’t secrete currency (at least I don’t check).  Bottom line is that just because I collect trades doesn’t make me any less of a fan than those who go to their local comic shop for their pull-list on Wednesday.

Let’s pretend everyone thought the way I did.  Ok, scratch that, that’s a bad idea.  Let’s pretend that comic fans thought about trades the way I do, yeah that’s it.  If trades were the “thing” and running floppies off the shelves, is that bad for the industry?  It’s the same story just in different formats, right?  I’d hate to think I’m doing any kind of harm to the stories I love, but I can’t help my affinity for thick-picture books (yes, I made that up).  Now you can judge me, but be gentle, I have no problem crying into my Rising Stars Compendium.

Here it is…My DC Relaunch List (My Top/Bottom 10)

Alright, so we’re about 2 weeks or so from the highly-anticipated (is that the word I want to use?) DC Comic’s Relaunch.  Well since I’ve already given my two cents on the whole issue already, I’m going to let the world know just which titles I’m looking forward to the most and which titles I’m a little worried about or aren’t interested in.  So, them’s the rules and here we go…

The 10 DCnU titles I’m most excited to read…

10.  This is my last choice huh?  Oooo this is tough.  And just because one of them didn’t make my top 10 doesn’t mean it won’t become one of my top 10 as the series go on.  But I’m going to have to go with Suicide Squad.  Essentially, they look like the closest thing to Secret Six without actually being the Secret Six.  People have been freaking out over Harley’s getup, but come on…IT’S HARLEY!!!  She’s crazy and leading Deadshot and what can only be described as a Giant Shark (I know, I know, it’s King Shark) into well…suicide missions.

9.  Wonder Woman:  Dear God this woman needs a fresh start.  When was the last time she had a solid run?  (Gail Simone’s run???)  Anyway, I’ve wanted to see Diana for the warrior she is supposed to be.  I’m going to guess that DC wants to take that route and hopefully that’s where it’s headed.

8.  Green Arrow:  Apparently I have an affinity for green…maybe it goes with my eyes, but nevertheless, Oliver Queen has been an underrated badass for quite some time now.  I’m thinking the Emerald Archer should be a fun and exciting read.

7.  Grifter:  I’m not going to lie to you (Would you care if I did?), I can’t give you a solid answer.  Although, I’m looking at it as a new character (Yes, I’m fully aware he was in WildStorm) to me and an interesting one at that.  This one might actually be judged by its cover, but it intrigues me.

6.  Green Lantern:  Since Rebirth, I’ve been hooked on Green Lantern.  That’s really all the reasoning I need to keep on board Oa’s Emerald train.

5.  Demon Knights:  You know why?  Because I’ve always wondered about vigilantism in a different time period.  Etrigan has never been a favorite of mine, but this should be extremely interesting as it looks like DC is going to entertain science fiction and a little fantasy.  Oh and there’s swords and stuff…

4.  The Savage Hawkman:  Well, he’s Savage now, sooo maybe that leads to badassery?  I do feel like this title is also a sleeper that is going to jump Mr. Hall up the ranks of the Justice League and the Big 4? (Big 4 as in Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, and Green Lantern…these are DC’s primary characters aren’t they?)

3.  The Fury of Firestorm:  Yes people, the Fury of Firestorm.  All I know is that they are walking nuclear bombs…is that not enough to entice anyone to read?  Well that and I used to read it way back when.

2.  Deathstroke:  Why Slade Wilson you ask?  Well, maybe it’s because I don’t feel there isn’t enough that we know about this man.  They say Deadpool was a direct response to Deathstroke, but that’s quite clearly not the truth.  Two totally different characters in two totally different worlds.  The similarities?  Same last name and same occupation, otherwise complete opposites.  Bottom line is that I want to see Deathstroke thrive and I want to see a new A-list villain that isn’t the Joker or Lex Luthor (Not knocking them, just saying, sheesh).

1.  Bat-Family:  A little obvious?  I know this includes 10 different titles, but I can’t help it, I’m just that big of a Bat-fan.  However, I can rank these in order of intrigue through my eyes.

11.  Birds of Prey:  I’m all about the Bat-Family so I’m still psyched about this more than the rest.  My issue is…I don’t know what to expect with these girls.

10.  Batwing:  Ok, I’ll nip it in the bud.  I’m not racist.  I just never got to read about this guy in Batman, Inc.  He could be great, and again I’m sure it will be, just seems like a Black Panther type.  That’s a good thing though.

9.  Catwoman:  By now, I’m thinking I look racist and sexist.  Not at all…I’m ready for Selina in her own series.  I just hope it can go the distance.

8.  Batman:  My favorite character comes in here because he’s solid and I’m expecting it to continue, simply not the most exciting title.

7.  Nightwing:  Dick gets his old namesake back.  I love it…I wonder if he’s going back to Bludhaven?

6.  Batwoman:  Ah, Kate…sweet, sweet Kate.  Do what you do girl…just do it for a lot longer.

5.  Batman – The Dark Knight:  Well, obviously it contains Batman, but it seems like a darker series.  Me likey darker.

4.  Batgirl:  I don’t get it.  Ok, well I do, but still.  A lot of people are bummed she’s no longer Oracle and I get that.  But come on…Babs is kicking ass again!  Who know’s, maybe bad luck will come her way again, turning her back to the wheelchair.  (I’m not wishing it on her, I just understand the impact she’s had with fans while in the chair, myself included)

3.  Batman & Robin:  I love the little shit, and now he gets some quality time with dear ol’ dad.  Damian and Daddy, side by side, kicking ass and…well kicking ass.  It was fun watching Dick and Damian as Batman & Robin, but this will be a whole new ride for the father and son duo.

2.  Detective Comics:  It’s the company’s namesake and a perennial favorite.  Sure it’s a bummer that it’s back to Numero Uno, but it looks like it’s going to be a blast.  I find it easier to invest in titles that will stand the test of time.

1.  Red Hood & The Outlaws:  That’s right kiddies…Red Hood & The Mutha Freakin’ Outlaws.  I don’t know, something about Jason Todd and his brand of vigilantism has me pumped for this series.  Arsenal and Starfire have always been solid characters, so I don’t know how this strange trio gets together in the first place, but I wouldn’t want to piss them off.  I see that Starfire is virtually naked…eh, moving on…

The 10 DCnU titles I’m least looking forward to…

1. I, Vampire:  Um, well let’s start off with the fact that I’ve become more and more hateful of anything utilizing I in its name.  I know it’s not like iPod or iTunes or iCrapinatoilet, but still I’m pretty sick of seeing the “I” involved with anything.  My next beef with this title is that, and I may be in the minority on this one, but I’M SICK OF ZOMBIES AND VAMPIRES!!!  Dear God, hasn’t this fad faded away yet?  Isn’t True Blood all you vampire-cravers need?  It may very well be a good story, but for now, it’ll probably be the title I read last.
2. Voodoo:  I don’t get it…
3. O.M.A.C.:  Still don’t get it…See I was under the impression that O.M.A.C. was a Ultron-wannabe.  However, this seems to be some menacing, blue-mohawk, Iron Man/Hulk hybrid.  Not saying this won’t be good, since now the focus is on Brother Eye’s One Man Army Corp going on a roid-rage that could shatter the DCnU!!!  (I know…that last line was lame.)
4. Resurrection Man:  Right off the bat I understand his powers.  Well, kind of.  Now I know what you’re saying, “You could Google it, JACKASS!”  Think I don’t know that?  That’s not my point.  This is based purely on the title and first impressions.  I’m intrigued only because I’m wondering if he resurrects people, or keeps dying and resurrecting himself.  Or mayhaps both?  Either way, a guy who only resurrects people doesn’t seem all that riveting.
5. Mr. Terrific:  Holy crap, his name is Mr. Terrific, YAY!  Yeah, no…not feeling it.
6. Captain Atom:  A. There should only be one Captain in the comic world and he’s over on the other team.  B. Why are they always Captains?  Doesn’t anyone ever get promoted?  But in all seriousness…he’s not wearing any pants.
7. Justice League International:  Hmm…um…hmm…I’m looking forward to the Justice League, really I am.  However, wouldn’t it make sense to have the A-listers looking over the world while these guys stick to the states?  Just putting it out there.  Again, this should very well be an entertaining read because Batman is in it, BUT HOW MANY FRIGGIN’ PLACES CAN HE BE AT ONCE?!?!?!?!?  I hope there’s some kind of pay scale for the heroes of the DCnU because that boy might need a pay raise.
8. DC Universe Presents:  They present what?  Deadman in chains…Can we just call it Deadman?  Or is this an attempt to test the waters with various B and C list characters by putting them all in random storylines through DC Universe Presents?  Hmm…
9. Frankenstein – Agent of S.H.A.D.E:  It’s not Frank’s fault.  Not entirely.  By now it looks like I’m tearing DC’s “Dark”, but to reiterate, is not the case.  I’m excited about Demon Knights, and can’t wait for Justice League Dark, but the acronym game is kind of stale to me.  Being ex-military I’m all too aware of the crap acronym’s we put out but hardly ever do they actually form a word in the dictionary.  Why do comics abuse this?  I’m getting all 52 for the first go-round so I’ll read it and quite possibly change my mind…we’ll see.
10. AQUAMAN:  Ah, yes, the water guy.  There’s not much that Geoff John’s has written that I don’t like and hopefully, this too will be great.  That said…Arthur’s boring…he runs the sea like it’s his own personal mafia.  I liked where he was going in Brightest Day and Blackest Night, but it’s hard to remain optimistic that it’ll last much longer.  Personally…I miss the hook, the long hair, and the beard.  On the plus side, he is rocking a trident.

So, what have we learned?  Alright, well this is MY blog and by no means is how the world views these titles.  Who the hell am I?  I’m a fan and just felt the need to tell my fellow comic fans what I am and ain’t looking forward to.  “Ah, you’re an idiot” you say.  Maybe, but hey, you didn’t have to look at my choices in the first place.  However, I’m always up for a good discussion about what is coming for the DCnU.  From the minute this whole relaunch, reboot thingy happened I was optimistic.  It just seems that now, people who have wanted to get into comics now have a great chance without catching up with trades or 900 of someone’s previous comics.  And on the other hand, if some characters really catch fire, maybe people will go back and grab old trades and comics.  Those stories won’t fade away.  They’re still there and will always be.  They’re trying something new and let’s hope it’ll work huh?  So why don’t we all just go into this open-minded?  We know they all won’t last, and we know that eventually new faces will pop up in some form.  Like I said in a previous blog…everyone just calm down.

Superman or Superdouche???

Catchy headline ain’t it?  Well it was all I could think of at the moment, but I’ve got to get this out there.  The moral of this here post is that I want to know what my problem is?  Why do I despise the character that is Superman?  Heralded as one of the most popular and decorated superheroes ever created, I can’t stand the Big Blue Boy Scout.  Someone HELP ME!!!  Now look, I’m fully expecting to get bombarded with comments along the lines of, “You’re an idiot” or “You don’t know comics” or even a spell of random swears, but I know its coming.  I’m just looking to discuss why Superman is so special to others and couldn’t be more pointless to me than the sleeves on Larry “the cable guy’s” shirts.

Tender Moment with Supes & Lois

First, I hate him because he is essentially the all-mighty.  Why stop at Superman and not just call him God in red and blue tights.  X-ray Vision, flight, superstrength, invulnerability, frost breath, eye beams, and I’m pretty sure he actually craps roses.  How can a character like this be so interesting?  Ok, so there is comparisons in Thor and some bad guys, but that’s the point.  Bad guys are supposed to be unstoppable.  Otherwise they’d just be thugs or henchmen.  As for Thor, well he’s supposed to be a god, be that as it may, I can stand Thor and want Superdouche gone.  Hah, I’m sure Superdouche just pissed of a whole bunch of fans, but that’s a name from a long debate me and my buddy have had over the years in regards to who is better, Batman or Superman (more on this later).

Secondly, for the love of all things holy, SOMEONE GET THAT GUY A BETTER DISGUISE!!!  Dear lord, if the only thing that makes him Supes is the tights and a ever so subtle curl in the hair, why not just stay in the suit?  And let’s discuss the idiots he surrounds himself with.  No one ever sees the convenience in Superman and Clark Kent never being in the same place at the same time.  This is similar to that Spider-man fellow over at Marvel, but he doesn’t float my boat either.  But seriously, when this relaunch was brought out by DC, and word on the street was that Grant Morrison would be writing one of the first arcs, I got a little excited that some of this junk might be rectified.

Awww...another tender moment

Do NOT misunderstand me.  I’m all for romances in comics, I am, but again, is Superman not the biggest pussy-whipped superhero in the world of comics?  People were furious when DC mentioned that maybe Lois Lane would be out of the “love story” and maybe, just maybe, Wonder Woman might tickle Superman’s fancy.  WHY THE HELL NOT?!?!?!  The man can’t focus on the mission at hand half of the time because he’s so worried about Lois, blah, blah, blah (another slam at Spidey and his women, too).  Yes, Batman has had plenty of girl issues, but never has he been as locked-down as Mr. Big Blue.  And if you want to get technical, lets pretend a superhuman and a human got together…wait for it…don’t you think he’d kill her?  Even Ollie and Dinah have been through hell and back, but nothing as ridiculous as Clark’s obsession with Lois.  Is it intriguing because it brings the humanity out of him?  Is that the big deal?  Isn’t the fact that he wants nothing more than to protect our world enough?  I’m so confused.

Yeah, why don't we just remove this from our minds, hmm?

I also don’t want women to think this is a bashing on a female character in comics, because it is absolutely not (I’m still working on the blog for women in comics).  It’s a bash on the obsession Kal-El has.   Anyone else think it borders on creepy or stalker-ish?

Remember this, Superfans?

I guess what my real issue is why can’t I like this guy?  It can’t be because I don’t enjoy the superhuman aspect of it.  I’m all about Green Lantern, Thor, Hulk, the X-Men, or even Wonder Woman.  Maybe that’s because they have more weaknesses than little pieces of green rock and Lois Lane.  See, right there, the man only has 2 weaknesses.  Wheres the challenge?  Now, because of my interest in the Dark Knight, I do read Superman & Batman hoping to ease my way into liking him.  It definitely brings a better side to both of the characters, but in my heart of hearts, Superman can’t possibly have any use for Batman in his life.  They both have their stances and their opinions, but the main theme to the story is that they both have very different ways of handling situations.

I honestly want a great Superman arc.  I’m ready to accept all those comments for the Death of Superman and Red Son, but even then, will they make me want to read more Superman?  Has it been the author’s fault over the years that make Superman uninteresting or is it the character?  I see the potential for one incredibly powerful badass and all I can see is an underachieving puss-bag with nothing new up his sleeve.

The mullet is the best part of this image.

DC Relaunch, everyone just calm down…

Ok so now that all of the titles of DC’s relaunch have been revealed and most of everyone’s opinions have been aired, I’d like to give my nickels worth.  Yes its a nickel because I’m giving more then twice as much (queue the drum).  Anyway, my babbling is an attempt to look at this relaunch with an open mind and with multiple perspectives.

​Let’s start with the question as to what it all means.  Why, oh why, would DC up and do something like this?  I’m sure by now we’ve all heard reasons from the DC higher-ups and from the fans it impacts.  But why can’t we, as fans, accept that it is mostly about business.  Let’s be honest, short of announcing an across-the-board revamp, how else would they be able to bring in new readers?  Marketing from property-based films?  Not a guarantee.  An article in the paper about a famous death ala Superman or Captain America?  I don’t think that worked either.  Point is, this is a massive undertaking and they’re doing it in a way that makes the most sense.

​Try as we might, we can bitch and moan that some of our beloved heroes and heroines are being, for lack of a more perfect word, “fucked” with, but that doesn’t mean we need to revolt or threaten DC and what it is attempting to do.  On that point…do you really think threatening them is ultimately going to change anything?  Yeah I don’t think so.  What about the fact that all the creative control is in the extremely-capable hands of Jim Lee and Geoff Johns?  Seriously, are there better hands to put the fate of the DCU in?  Now I know what’s coming.  You will read this and name numerous other names that could helm this project, but that doesn’t matter, its been decided and some of you need to have a little faith in what these guys plan to do.  Why must everyone jump to anger or frustration because there comic is temporarily leaving the shelves?  Have any of you actually noticed that nobody said that these 52 titles were the end-all be-all?  Yeah, I’ve looked around and am pretty sure nobody suggested that this is it…forever. 

​So how does this actually affect you, the fan of the DCU?  It doesn’t really besides the unmistakable fact that many of us, including myself, will miss certain titles like Gail Simone’s Secret Six, or John Rozum’s Xombi.  Oh and Superman may rock a different type of spandex.  Seriously?  These are the problems?  Maybe I’m too optimistic (which is rare for me) but I see this as a whole new opportunity for storylines from new creators and grizzled veterans.  Imagine that day, months or even years down the road when Bane is called back into action to resume his duties with the Six and you’re nowhere to be found.  Now you’re playing catch-up and missing out on how we got to where we are. 

​I hear writers and artists say it all the time that comic fans are among the most passionate.  Well if that’s true, their passion leads to some ignorant assessments and rash decisions.  I saw a rant where someone refuses to stay with DC because Rob Liefield is working on Hawk & Dove.  You’ve got to be kidding.  So maybe your not his biggest fan, but who are you to criticize the art of a man beloved by many (I mean the man created Cable & Deadpool, he’s a genius).  My personal opinion aside, if you have the audacity to attack any writer’s or artist’s skills, you better be ready to show off your own.  I notice this same bullshit from the over-zealous comic fan about comic films.  “It wasn’t true to the comic”, “That’s not how it happens” and doozies like “Green Lantern is supposed to have white gloves.”  Alright, assholes, go ahead…make it better.  I just saw, as many of you did X-Men: First Class and thought it was awesome.  Then I ventured to my local comic store to hear some shmuck complain that it lacked “structure”.  These are the bozos that refuse to give new things a chance.  Is it really so bad and detrimental to your life if a new spin is taken on a character or story? 

I know it sounded like an attack on comic fans, but it wasn’t (ok maybe a little, but only specific fans, they know who they are).  All I’m saying is that if you’re not a fan of something, don’t ruin in for others.  How does anyone know how this relaunch will work out?  It could be the best thing since Christopher Nolan took on Batman, and it could also fail miserably like Lebron James in the NBA Finals.  The bottom line is we don’t know what’s going to happen, but if you’re a fan of comics be a fan of comics.  Don’t get pissy, take your ball and run simply because the kids would rather play tag than dodgeball.  Seems kind of childish and lame, also makes you seem more like a poser than an actual fan. 

​And another thing…why abandon DC if your favorites are being reshuffled or paired with new partners?  If your a fan of Geoff Johns, he’s still around.  And Gail may not be on Secret Six but I believe she’s doing some story about somebody (sarcasm people, she’s rocking Batgirl, I know).  Grant Morrison is making a jump from the Bat to the Big Blue Boyscout.  Point is they’re still hanging around.  Just take a second, sit back, and be reasonable before tourettes sets in.  This may be the best thing ever and you won’t be there when it all fleshes itself out.  Shame on you.