Catchy headline ain’t it? Well it was all I could think of at the moment, but I’ve got to get this out there. The moral of this here post is that I want to know what my problem is? Why do I despise the character that is Superman? Heralded as one of the most popular and decorated superheroes ever created, I can’t stand the Big Blue Boy Scout. Someone HELP ME!!! Now look, I’m fully expecting to get bombarded with comments along the lines of, “You’re an idiot” or “You don’t know comics” or even a spell of random swears, but I know its coming. I’m just looking to discuss why Superman is so special to others and couldn’t be more pointless to me than the sleeves on Larry “the cable guy’s” shirts.
Tender Moment with Supes & Lois
First, I hate him because he is essentially the all-mighty. Why stop at Superman and not just call him God in red and blue tights. X-ray Vision, flight, superstrength, invulnerability, frost breath, eye beams, and I’m pretty sure he actually craps roses. How can a character like this be so interesting? Ok, so there is comparisons in Thor and some bad guys, but that’s the point. Bad guys are supposed to be unstoppable. Otherwise they’d just be thugs or henchmen. As for Thor, well he’s supposed to be a god, be that as it may, I can stand Thor and want Superdouche gone. Hah, I’m sure Superdouche just pissed of a whole bunch of fans, but that’s a name from a long debate me and my buddy have had over the years in regards to who is better, Batman or Superman (more on this later).
Secondly, for the love of all things holy, SOMEONE GET THAT GUY A BETTER DISGUISE!!! Dear lord, if the only thing that makes him Supes is the tights and a ever so subtle curl in the hair, why not just stay in the suit? And let’s discuss the idiots he surrounds himself with. No one ever sees the convenience in Superman and Clark Kent never being in the same place at the same time. This is similar to that Spider-man fellow over at Marvel, but he doesn’t float my boat either. But seriously, when this relaunch was brought out by DC, and word on the street was that Grant Morrison would be writing one of the first arcs, I got a little excited that some of this junk might be rectified.
Awww...another tender moment
Do NOT misunderstand me. I’m all for romances in comics, I am, but again, is Superman not the biggest pussy-whipped superhero in the world of comics? People were furious when DC mentioned that maybe Lois Lane would be out of the “love story” and maybe, just maybe, Wonder Woman might tickle Superman’s fancy. WHY THE HELL NOT?!?!?! The man can’t focus on the mission at hand half of the time because he’s so worried about Lois, blah, blah, blah (another slam at Spidey and his women, too). Yes, Batman has had plenty of girl issues, but never has he been as locked-down as Mr. Big Blue. And if you want to get technical, lets pretend a superhuman and a human got together…wait for it…don’t you think he’d kill her? Even Ollie and Dinah have been through hell and back, but nothing as ridiculous as Clark’s obsession with Lois. Is it intriguing because it brings the humanity out of him? Is that the big deal? Isn’t the fact that he wants nothing more than to protect our world enough? I’m so confused.
Yeah, why don't we just remove this from our minds, hmm?
I also don’t want women to think this is a bashing on a female character in comics, because it is absolutely not (I’m still working on the blog for women in comics). It’s a bash on the obsession Kal-El has. Anyone else think it borders on creepy or stalker-ish?
Remember this, Superfans?
I guess what my real issue is why can’t I like this guy? It can’t be because I don’t enjoy the superhuman aspect of it. I’m all about Green Lantern, Thor, Hulk, the X-Men, or even Wonder Woman. Maybe that’s because they have more weaknesses than little pieces of green rock and Lois Lane. See, right there, the man only has 2 weaknesses. Wheres the challenge? Now, because of my interest in the Dark Knight, I do read Superman & Batman hoping to ease my way into liking him. It definitely brings a better side to both of the characters, but in my heart of hearts, Superman can’t possibly have any use for Batman in his life. They both have their stances and their opinions, but the main theme to the story is that they both have very different ways of handling situations.
I honestly want a great Superman arc. I’m ready to accept all those comments for the Death of Superman and Red Son, but even then, will they make me want to read more Superman? Has it been the author’s fault over the years that make Superman uninteresting or is it the character? I see the potential for one incredibly powerful badass and all I can see is an underachieving puss-bag with nothing new up his sleeve.
The mullet is the best part of this image.
Welcome to the Rapture... 